Screen Shot 2017-09-27 at 12.36.43.jpg

Hi!

Welcome to The Hazel Perspective. A haven for adoptees where your voice is heard and your words are valued. 

 

What to Expect When You're...

What to Expect When You're...

Not Expecting to be Adopted…

Although there are so many layers and depths to every adoptee story, we are all connected by one single thread of a word - ‘adoption’. We may come from many different walks of life, but this will always be our most fundamental thing in common. What is crucially important to remember, however, is that everyone’s story of adoption is one that is so unique within itself, not everyone will truly comprehend the emotions you as an adoptee possess. In the same sense, the emotions of other adoptees may not be fully understood by you, but your story will always be as important as the next. Going through this monumental discovery is hard, especially if you feel as though you have no one to go through it with. Adoption is like a rollercoaster, over the years it is expectant to feel confused, overwhelmed, angry, happy, sad, ecstatic, unwanted, lonely and lucky all at the same time. Discussions surrounding adoption will never be simple, in some ways think of it like a Jenga-block tower, several interlinking levels, continuously moving and changing. The movement of one block causes a change in its stability, but with another comes a change in perspective. Hence, this post is dedicated to shedding light on the things an adoptee may anticipate along their journey of self-love and acceptance. 

Russian Roulette:

At times you will more than likely feel a sense of animosity, not knowing exactly who it’s directed at or why it is you are angry. It is easy to feel frustrated, - frustration reflected in the knowledge that those moments that are supposed to be shared with your birth/biological family are instead moments reduced to mere descriptions written down and reworded by people who you probably have no recollection of being in the company of. Inevitably, lending to a sense of loneliness that cannot be shaken because it is embedded in the belief that you were abandoned or unwanted.

Discussion around adoption can frequently mislead one to think it is simply a subject that is either black or white. It is easy to feel as though adoption is something you as an adoptee should automatically feel angry about - you are either an angry adoptee, a happy adoptee or an adoptee who’s not quite sure how to process it yet. - This is inclined to produce a sense of unsettlement and confusion, simultaneously felt with an overwhelming number of ‘what-if’ and ‘why’ questions. Some of the things that contribute to the constant fluctuation of emotions are, feeling incomplete about your own identity, having to go through hardships and stresses in order to find out information about your own life or having to deal with the fact that biological parents were simply just not in a position to give the care that was wanted or desired.  You’ll find that as you grow older your answer to the question ‘how does it feel to be adopted?’ will constantly change over the course of your life. 

Who really am I...

Speaking from experience, it is sometimes easy to forget that you’re adopted, which isn’t the worst thing in the world. 

However, there will be moments where it really dawns on you that it is not as easy for you, as it is for someone who’s not adopted to find out where they really come from and what their roots are. It comes down to simple procedures like doctor appointments and when asked about family medical history. It is easy to say whatever is appropriate in relation to your adopted family because, well, that’s all you really know. It goes over your head that actually; What if someone in my biological family does have significant health problems? It is not something that is readily available for you to find out about. 

Undoubtedly, it is a magical thing being part of a family whom you are able to grow with, share special moments with and laugh or sometimes cry with. For anyone, just being showered with affection and care is enough to feel happy. As an adoptee, this will often get obscured by an innate sense of desolation, though it may not always be at the forefront of every thought or action. It is a feeling that will continuously come and go, but more than likely in anticipation of not wanting to upset anyone or feel like a burden, it is likely these feelings will be suppressed. 

Arguably, No matter how much love your new family has to offer, or how much they treat you fairly in comparison to their own biological children (if they have any) it may seem that nothing will ever be able to repair the wound and subsequent scar incurred when you were separated from your biological family. Pain nurtured in the loss of identity as a result of losing a physical piece of who you are is conflicted with gaining people who are devoted to giving you as much love as they possibly can, because they want to bring nothing but jubilation to your life.

Upon Reflection... 

This is not a position easily understood by those who cannot see it from the perspective of an adoptee, but nevertheless, it is an incredibly valued position. you are valued and you do not have to feel alone. In retrospect, fully understanding that not everyone will be blessed by having a happy and nurturing adoptee family, it is important to still know your worth, your value, your contribution to society and your potential. Having taken all the lessons learned and not reflecting a similar situation for another life coming into this world.

“When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others”.

 

* Home Genetic Testing is ready and available for those who wish to begin the search towards who they really are! These kits provide the opportunity for you to not only discover parts of your ancestry and heritage but to also pick up early on potential health issues which you may not have otherwise been aware of. Here are just a few…

23andMe

Ancestry

Myheritage

DNAFit

 

7 Influential Figures You Didn't Know Were Adopted!

7 Influential Figures You Didn't Know Were Adopted!

My Story

My Story